Hell At The Playground: The Story Of Why I'm Becoming Agoraphobic...

Know what that picture there is? No? Don't worry, I'll tell you, but first lemme give you the back story.

See, now that its summer break, I do everything I possibly can to get the kids out of the house on a regular basis.

Today we met up with a bunch of friends for "open play" at a local community center. Tons of toys, lots of kids, great moms for me to have fun with... and my children were miserable. After what felt like an eternity of whining and temper tantrums, my friend A and I decided to take our kids outside to the playground for a change of scenery. 

The weather was gorgeous, the playground was incredible, and it seemed like the perfect solution to grumpy kids.

It was, but not in a good way…

On the walk out to the playground, we herded the kids like overgrown, hairless cats. Bennett took every opportunity he could  to lead the pack astray, while Sterling found herself a pen to write on her dress with, and some pre-chewed, completely melted gum to smear all over herself. I was doing my best to scrub it off when Bennett took off running in a completely different direction. 

Good times. 

We finally made it the half block to the playground, and that's when the REAL fun kicked in.

When Bennett wasn't screaming, he was picking up random pieces of trash (pictured above) and cramming them into his mouth. And this is only a small sampling because many of the pieces made it into the trash can rather than into my purse. Why my purse? Because it was the closest handy spot I could think of to stash it all so he wouldn't chew on it again.

Why yes, that IS a used band aid. And yes, I did pry it out of his mouth. The great thing is that this was a relatively clean playground, I can't imagine what kind of fun we would've had at a grungier play space.  

Between his random munchings, he alternated wallowing in the mud puddles with sprints to the far reaches of the earth. 

And my friend A? She is about 8 months pregnant. Any idea how fun it is to watch a pregnant woman chase after a little blonde haired hellion? 

A is one of those effortlessly elegant women, so that made it even more comical. If A wasn't so awesome or if it hadn't been MY kid she was helping to wrangle, it would've been freaking hilarious. 

Instead, I felt like "that mom". And A? She is having her first boy. I could see in her eyes the barely concealed panic of "holy hell, is THIS what boys are about"? For her sake, I sincerely hope not...

So yeah, we may have a few more "play at home" days this week because they have officially broken me. I don't ever want to leave the house again. And yes, I'm aware that it's only Tuesday...

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