Dancing With Myself... In The Almond Milk

Ah yes, nothing like the sweet sound of "uh oh Momma, you got mess" to warm a mom's heart... or at least get her blood boiling. 

Last night, I was moving laundry from the washer into the dryer. Which means that although my kids were with me, they were not the sole focus of my attention for THREEFRIGGINSECONDS. 

They were about two feet away from me, which evidently is close enough to lull me into a false sense of security, but NOT close enough to prevent mayhem. 

See, you walk through my pantry to get to the mudroom where the washer and dryer are. 

I was in the mudroom. The kids were in the pantry. 

Not a major cause for concern, Bennett loves to putter in the pantry. When he partially shut the door between us, I thought nothing of it. I could still clearly see his little blue jammie feet under the door, which meant he wasn't climbing the shelves. 

In my mind, that was the biggest risk: him climbing up and falling off. 

I was wrong. 

A few seconds later, I heard the pitter patter of little feet dancing. Again, I thought nothing of it. 

It wasn't until I heard his muttered proclamation over MY mess that I suddenly got curious. 

When I peeked around the door, this is what I saw. 

The little bast... er, I mean BEAST had opened up a new carton of almond milk and was gleefully dancing in the growing puddle. 

And as I frantically scrambled to soak up the mess before it spread under the pantry shelves, he commenced to dancing in the mess again, splattering it all over me and the food on the lower shelves. 

Friggin. Awesome. 

He must have seen something scary in my eyes, because he took off running through my first floor, soggy little jammie feet leaving soggy little sticky almond milk footprints all over the place. 

Even. More. Friggin. Awesome. 

I finally wrangled him, stripped off the sticky jammies, mopped up the mess, and sat back with an exasperated sigh... just in time for Sterling to helpfully point out "Ben Ben makes messes, you need to watch him better". 

Grrrrrrrr, thanks kid. Thanks a whole hell of a lot. Next time, rather than watching while he makes said messes, you might want to stop him. Or at least let me know what's up. 

Just a thought. 

Messy Mayhem Monday

You ever have one of those days that makes you question every decision that got you to this point?

One of those days that you seriously consider chucking it all and running away from home?

Yep, I'm having one of those days right now.

It all started at about 6 a.m., two hours earlier than Bennett usually wakes up.

No worries, not the end of the world. But I knew that since he had woken up early, he would likely be grumpy today.

And he was.

I had a mountain of laundry to put away, so when we got Sterling up, I turned my back for three seconds while I filled her dresser drawers. Her dresser is still in her closet because she conducts holy mayhem on it, so yes, I had my back to the room.

But considering that I've been a parent for over 3 1/2 years, I also have senses that are hyper tuned to insane levels. So I thought that if Bennett or Sterling did anything naughty behind me, I would hear it.

I was wrong. Shocker, I know. 

Somehow, in the three seconds it took me to put away her pants, shirts and socks, Bennett opened the door to my bedroom, snagged my cell phone, crept downstairs to the mudroom and stashed it in a bag of things we were going to donate.

Sterling chatted pleasantly with me the entire time, so I'm guessing it was a team effort.

Once I realized it was missing, I turned to interrogation. Every time I asked Bennett where the phone was, he would cheerfully respond "phone go bye-bye". 

Then, when I went to find my iPad to locate the phone using Finder, the iPad was missing. One of our recent guests had helpfully relocated the iPad into the guest bedroom *cough* Nana and Pop Pop *cough*. 

I spent the entire morning tearing my house apart looking for either the phone, or the iPad. Finally John came home to help me find them, which was helpful because I was a *bit* frazzled.

After that, I was fully prepared to have an uneventful rest of the morning. Unfortunately, Bennett was not on board with that plan.

As I was preparing lunch, I heard a loud crash. I rushed into the dining room to discover he had pushed a large, rare heirloom begonia off of its perch and was dancing merrily around it yelling "boom". Then moment he saw me, he yelled "oh mama, oh no!" and ran as fast as his fat little legs would take him out of the room. 

Know what's awesome? About a gallon of damp potting soil ground into your white carpet by little dancing feet.


And Sterling spent the next 10 minutes helpfully pointing out my mess. 

I cleaned as much of it up as I could until the soil dries, when Bennett came trotting back in. 

He took one look at my work, wagged a finger at me and said "mess, no no no no no". 

I'm pretty certain today is officially Margarita Monday. Or Merlot Monday. Or Morgan Monday. I don't really give a shit what it is, as long as it helps me forget this morning…

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