OSM: Toddler Retail Therapy

So it appears my girl may have been letting her fingers do the walking on Amazon.com recently. I just received a shipment of random items, none of which I ordered.

Not only is home girl amazingly adept at navigating any Apple-based products, but she's also incredibly quick. All I can figure is she most have had access to my phone recently and picked out a few items for herself.

Anyone know what DMSO is? Me either.

Damn 1-Click, love it when I'm the one doing the shopping but not so helpful when someone else is making the selection…

OSM: Houdini Had Nothing On My Girl...

Not to gloat, but S has mastered the art of getting her sleeping straight jacket off.

See, over the last year she has learned how to get out of more and more sophisticated methods of keeping her clothed while sleeping. The most recent was jammies backwards, sleep sack on backwards, both zipped up.

But lately she's been able to get out of both of those without a problem. And today was the second day in a row she pooped during her nap. You can pretty much guess what that equates to. Washing clothes and sheets AGAIN as I type....

And no, that's just chocolate on her face in the picture :)

Guess There Is A Reason Why You Go To A Doctor...

This may come as a surprise to you, but the Internet is not always an entirely reliable source for information.

Case in point: I had a cyst on the side of my face for about two years. I'd scheduled surgery to have it removed, and then got sick and was briefly hospitalized. Then I had a baby. Then my husband went back to traveling full-time. In short, I never got the surgery.

As it was explained to me, the surgery would've left about a 2 inch incision and a divot on the side of my face. Not exactly an ideal situation. So being an enterprising individual, I set out on the Internet to find an "alternative" solution.

After a bit of research, I found what appeared to be a fool proof plan on a holistic medicine website. Put some orange oil on my face for a few hours, and it would melt the cyst.

With Amazon.com at my disposal I was the proud owner of the bottle of orange oil within a couple of days. After applying it and leaving on my face for couple hours, the end result was as shown. I went from having a small lump about the size of the pencil eraser to having a deep burnt divot slightly larger than a golf ball.

Even cooler, random chunks of my face keep falling off. Sounds like a good trade!

OSM: To Potty Train or Not To Potty Train Is... No Longer A Question

Fun fact of the day: at no less than 4 different times my girl removed her (usually poopy) diaper and used it to either:

a. make a mess all over something extremely difficult to clean, or
b. set it aside while she went to the bathroom on the floor.

Good times, good times.

It appears that the question of whether or not to potty train her tiny little butt is no longer an option. No, at this point my only question is can I potty train her fast enough to save my floors.

Where is my box of wine...

OSM: Ladder

Because everything in our world is "climbable", I sometimes overlook the most obvious things because I'm so busy trying to identify the less obvious ones. 

Obvious things, like a ladder.

This one isn't all that impressive, I mean ladders are MADE to be climbed. I was more surprised at how quickly and quietly she made it up there, and at how greatly I under estimated the ladder to be an issue :-)

She quickly realized that the ladder elevated her game significantly and the tantrums were prolific after it was put away.

Nanas and No Nos

One of the most interesting parts about having a child is how it changes your relationship with your own mom. For me, it has made Mother's Day take on a whole new meaning. I finally understand just how much parents sacrifice in order to get their kids to adulthood.

I'm also quickly learning that one of the trickiest elements of training my daughter is training my mom how to behave around my daughter.

My mom is an amazing Nana, I could not ask for a grandmother to love her grandchildren more. However, my mother also loves to spoil creatures. She has perhaps one of the fattest Pugs in all history. Translate that into the first grandchild (which she has been waiting literally decades for) and you get the picture.

To give you a sense of how excited my mom has been for grandchildren, when I was in high school, my mother actually hoped for a teen pregnancy :-)

So while I love their relationship, I also feel that on some level I'm constantly in the wings waiting to spoil some of the fun in the name of "parenting".

I guess the only consolation for being the proverbial buzz kill is that it means when Sterling and Bennett have kids, I will get to be the Nana and be responsible for all the naughty behavior :-)

Cute Outfit = Crappy Results

Have you ever noticed that when dressing an infant, the cuter and more difficult an outfit is to put on, the higher the chances of having a blowout? Therefore, an absolutely adorable white outfit that's a bitch to get on a lasts approximately 30 seconds before a blowout of epic proportions. Meanwhile, the god awful ugly brown thing that snaps up the front? That puppy is like blowout kryptonite :-)

OSM: Who Thought It Was Possible To Climb A Window???

This "Oh Sh!t" moment comes to you courtesy of Miss Sterling Rose. Luckily I had the camera on taking photos of Bennett, otherwise this moment would never have been caught for "posterity"...

And the awesome part? As her feet show, she started jumping up and down on the window sill as soon as I started taking photos. TOTALLY safe!

Where is my bottle of wine?

And the second shot shows the method behind the madness...