The Ultimate Frozen Fan

Bennett woke up from nap today royally pissed.

Pissed at me, at his snack, and at the world in general. He was SO disgusted by the peanut butter toast he had asked me to make, that he defiantly trundled his little butt over to the freezer and started digging around for something new.

After vetoing his choices of frozen shrimp and a bag of peas, I decided not to chase him when he snatched the box of frozen waffles and ran. 

In my perpetual pursuit of Parent Of The Year (POTY), I also didn't intercede when he triumphantly dug a frozen waffle out of the box and took a huge bite out of it. 

With my superior intellect and years of experience, I was fully confident that there was no way in hell he would eat a frozen frozen waffle. 

I was wrong. 

In fact, were it not his occasional shiver, I might have even forgotten that the waffle was still frozen solid. 

Not only did he eat the whole thing, but he did so with a triumphantly disdainful scowl on his face the entire time. 

Consider me officially schooled. Nothing trumps a toddler's determination, especially when they are doing something misguided which you *might* disapprove of. 

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Not So Little Shit

You ever try something, and no matter how hard you work at it, you just suck ass? I mean REALLY suck ass?

Yeah, well my something like that is parenting. No matter what I do or how hard I work at it, my kids continue to hand me my ass. 


Take today for example.

See, Sterling screws around with her bathroom every day. At this point, she has completely disassembled two toilet seats, unhooked and destroyed the sink pluming, taken apart the faucet, and repeatedly flooded the bathroom. 

In an attempt to stop the destruction of her bathroom, I threatened her before nap today that that if she did it again, I would lock her bathroom door so she couldn't get in. 

And over nap, she flooded the bathroom. Again. 

So all afternoon, I warned her that she needed to get herself empty before bed because she would have access to the bathroom tonight. 

I repeatedly took her to the toilet and asked her to go. 

I repeatedly reminded her that she wouldn't have access to the bathroom over night.

And at bedtime, I gave her one last opportunity to go to the bathroom. 

Want to guess what she did less than 20 minutes after she was put down for bed? If you guessed that she shit on one of her toys, then wiped it all over her bed and walls, you win!!!! 

I'm not sure what you win exactly, but it should probably entail you buying me lots of drinks and then driving me home...

So yeah, I suck at motherhood. And choosing punishments. But primarily motherhood. 

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