Face Plant Fiasco

Why is it that in parenthood, SO many of my finer moments occur in public, with a full audience? But when I am actually getting it right, there's no one around to see?

Don't laugh at that second part, it happens. Occasionally.

But I ask because the story I am about to tell happened in front of a full audience. And yes, this was a case of full suckitude. Complete with blood, lots of it.

But first, a disclaimer: no I am not a first time parent. But, as my lovely friend M has helpfully pointed out, my first child is oddly nimble.

So Sterling turns bumbles that might usually result in a bashed face into graceful little dance moves.

It's cool to watch and all, but it also means I am kind of a crappy parent to Bennett because I've never developed that parenting 6th sense that would enable me to see these things coming. And even though Bennett is well coordinated, he is nowhere close to Sterling's level.

At. All.

As incidents like this show.

Preschool drop off the other day gave us an opportunity to showcase this difference.

It was one of those dreary, drippy, nasty mornings. Since you aren't supposed to put kids in their car seat with a coat on, I had to take B out of his seat and wrangle him into his coat in mid air, before getting him out of the car into the rain.

Not easy.

Mental image to help you here. Homeboy is solid. And STRONG. And incredibly agile when he wants to be. Which makes wrangling him into a coat similar to putting a leg warmer on an anaconda.

Good times.

I had just wrestled his second arm in when he went completely still.

I looked down and realized that he was admiring the Mickey on his coat. Thinking nothing of it, I set him down on the parking lot to walk with me to let Sterling out.

And that was my mistake.

He was so absorbed in admiring his own spiffyness that he paid absolutely no attention to important things, like gravity. And thus, he took one brief shuffling step forward into a full face plant.

Top and bottom lips busted. Face covered in gravel. Soaking wet from head to toe. And bellowing to let the world know.

Thankfully there was a parking lot full of other parents to admire my prowess.


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