I had a dream the other night where I died.
It was so incredibly vivid that when I woke up, it took me a while to figure out if it had actually happened.
In the dream, I was in a high rise building somewhere in Asia when an earthquake hit. I remembered the hot, dry smell of burning concrete, the taste of dust in my mouth, the screeching moan of metal as the building collaped around me.
I knew I was dying, and had time to send out thoughts of love to my kids, family and friends before it all crumpled around me. I knew the moment I died. I felt it come in a bright white flash of light and comforting warmth.
The thing that didn't occur to me until later was that even in the depths of my dream, I didn't feel fear.
I felt sadness over leaving my kids and regret that to wouldn't see them grow up, but I was also oddly at peace with the knowledge of my death.
It took me a little while to figure out why.
See, a few days ago was my birthday. Every year on my birthday, I like to take a bit of a State of the Union review. I look at my last year, see how things are going, take time to be thankful for the good, appreciate what I learned from the not so good, and set goals for the next year.
As I was doing that this year, I realized I have had an incredibly rich life.
It's not that I am done with life, or that I have finished everything on my master "to do" list... but Marky Mark and I are both married at this point so there are some that *might* go unfinished.
I guess the bigger point is that I am at peace with how much living I have fit into my life so far. I've had amazing adventures, travelled to incredible places and surrounded myself with wonderful people.
I love my life and the people I share it with and it truly has been a wonderful adventure. Whether I have one more moment, or a hundred more years left in this life, I'm doing my best to continue to fit as much living into it as possible.
And that is why I felt at peace. It wasn't that I was done with living, it was that I was grateful and comfortable with the living I have done so far.
It was a pretty cool realization to have. To realize that I am truly living my life rather than just existing.
Because isn't that what a life is for?