I had to take the munchkins to the Health Department this morning to get copies of their birth certificates.
See, we are going to Sanibel Island next week for a much needed vacation. We need their birth certificates to fly with them, and they are at our other house.
So being all independent-like I thought "pshaw, I can do this on my own... No big deal". And maybe, if the stars had aligned and my kids had been sprinkled with magic-unicorn-be-good-dust (I'm sure that is a thing because I see PLENTY of other kids behaving themselves just fine out in public), it would have been all good. But they weren't. So it wasn't.
Evidently, things like running down the halls, screaming "wheeeee, fun!" are frowned upon at the Health Department. As are stuffing every pamphlet you can find into the diaper bag. And dashing out the automatic doors every chance you get. Sterling had tantrums over which chair to sit in. Tantrums over which snack to throw. And my personal favorite, the lifting of the feet while walking with mommy so that she is doing the "dead baby drag". Doesn't look child abusey at all.
|Our Courtesy Parting Gift|
Which gave Sterling repeated windows of distraction to take off running. As if she needed the help.
The culmination of the mayhem? Sterling snagged the cane from this nice lady and then (accidentally) whacked her with it. Then, to the joy of all, she squatted on the floor for a bit like a little frog. I mistakenly thought "thank god, she must be calming down and is finally sitting in one place". My mistake. She stood up and proudly announced loudly to everyone in attendance "Yucky Mommy, I poop." And boy did she...
Of course, Bennett's birth certificate had errors on it, which means that after filling out two different forms and waiting almost 2.5 hours, the ladies at the health department finally asked if I just wanted them to call me when they had it cleared up.
The experience was so awesome that we got a full ovation when we left. I am not sure if they were applauding because we were leaving, or because none of us were going home with them. My best guess though is that they were applauding my stellar parenting skills. Yeah, TOTALLY sure that's what it was....
So after all that, I am still going to have to head back to the Health Department again.
Which is good because when we got home, I realized Sterling had slid an extra gift into my diaper bag: a card holder with a full sheaf of anti-smoking cards.
Now, on to more important things. Where is my wine?