Death of a Deal

It's odd, the death of a house deal is remarkably similar to the death of a loved one.

I know, I know, how shallow and materialistic of me.

But having experienced both in the last few months, I have to be honest and say that the emotions are remarkably similar.

There is the anger, the blaming, the despair over ever finding another, the tears, the lost dreams, the sleepless nights. And eventually, I know there will be the acceptance.

I am sure it was the right decision to make. The sellers have an unrealistic expectation of what their house is worth, based on a valuation done at the height of the market several years ago. During the inspection, the wife repeatedly said "this house was worth 1.5 million just a little bit ago".

But there is no way they will get that, even if they make major investments to fix and update it. It's just not realistic.

Even though I know it was the right decision to let the deal fall through, now I am in a tricky place. On one hand, I am desperate to get back to my friends. I miss my stuff and my life and having space. Right now I have a very "temporary" existence and its transience is exhausting.

On the other hand, I am SICK TO DEATH of constantly traveling back and forth to the metro. The idea of beginning the house search all over again with its hours of driving and millions of details to plan makes me feel like I am at the edge of some insurmountable abyss, overwhelmed and slightly nauseous.

And to be honest, I am still in love with the house that we just lost and the life I envisioned having in that house. So every house that I see, I subconsciously compare to it.

Plus, I have this lovely (as my friend M put it: atomic) sinus and ear infection that has hung around for over five months and four rounds of increasingly intense medication.

Which means that every time I "push a little bit harder to make it to the end" and then said "end" mysteriously evaporates, I have a little less juice than I did the last time.

I am fried. And heartsick. And overwhelmed.

To be totally honest, I know how lucky I am to have such problems. I am shopping for our dream house and poor me, it's taking a while. I am lucky enough to have two beautiful, healthy kids which is why I have to invest so much time in "logistics". And the ton of amazing friends I am so excited to be back near? Yep, super lucky to have them too.

And while it totally helps to focus on all that instead of the house deal that fell apart, it still doesn't make it instantly all better.

Which is why I am also lucky to have a venue like this. A place to process my emotions, capture my thoughts and hopefully gain perspective.

Because let's be honest, it's not like my little hellions are going to miraculously take it easy on me for a few days while I wallow in self pity.

Things always work out for the best and I have faith that the right house is right around the corner, hopefully it all happens soon :-)