Fools Errand

Every so often, I make the mistake of taking the monkeys out alone to run errands.

It's always a mistake. Always.

Taking one or the other solo is a pleasure. Taking the two together with someone else to help wrangle them is fun.

Taking them both myself? Insanity. Plain and simple.

But what else would it be?

First, there are the perfect proportions of the average shopping cart. Just large enough to serve as a child-sized ThunderDome and make it difficult for me to intercede, yet not large enough to let them get away from each other.

So essentially, I am pushing a rolling toddler melee down the aisles of Lowes this morning while Bennett yanks great handfuls of Sterling's hair and she sinks her teeth into his fleshy little fingers every time I turn my head.

Then there is Sterling's nearly manic movement in and out of the shopping cart.

You might think that it would be easier to keep track of her when she is in the cart, but when you factor in such helpful tactics as her throwing out the items I have so carefully put IN the cart, and her being bored enough to strip when she wasn't chucking my stuff, that would be incorrect.

Although outside of the cart, there is the issue of her performing acrobatics on the cart itself, and doing military-style combat rolls under it as I try to nonchalantly stroll down the aisle.

No, quite frankly we are a rolling train wreck.

We get lots of laughs and comical comments from everyone around us, but so far no one has ever taken me up on my offer to trade places.

No amount of "yummy bar" treats, special toys or marketing our fun outings as opportunities to practice "sitting in the fun rolling cart" manage to make these errands exactly easy. Easier? Perhaps. But easy? Hell no!

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